IN THE FOREST AT THE END OF THE YEAR.

              Nguyễn Bản

       He could hear her sink heavily onto the bed and burst out crying. Now, the capital city and her Hoang Mai village were celebrating the 40^th  liberation day.

        It has been a long time such tears but that eventful night he had been experienced was so bewildering.

      That year Toan was on his way on Tet (New lunar year Eve) leave to where his family had been evacuated. For seven days in late winter, he had been walking and his back was soaked with sweat behind his backpack, when he arrived, only to find his family, even his girlfriend’s family, but they had returned to their native village in the occupied territory. Finally, he had to unwillingly come back to his office. And he had to speed up his travel to spend the night anywhere providing that he could arrive in time at Ha giang town.

       It was the 28^th of lunar December, and he was still nearly 60 km away from this town. At dust, he dropped into on a desolate thatched roof house by the edge of the forest. The house was fenced around with bamboo lattices, its gate was closed and there was not any sound of humans as well as animals. Toan would have felt hesitant about entering. Hardly had he pushed at the gate than the woman looked out. Toan explained that he was on leave and had missed his way, so he was looking for a place to spend the night. The bamboo lattice door was raised.

    The woman was young, her eyes deep and sad, and her voice low. The hazed darkness and the emptiness made him hesitated and confused. An obscure kerosene lamp was on a cold bamboo bed with a heap of rush mats near the wall. A firewood stack glowed on the ground in the next small room. A tea set sat beside the firewood stack. There was nothing else, not even pots or pans. These were probably inside the left closed room. The house was really deserted, and bats darted here and there, making sharp cold sounds as in the mount cave. It was a small narrow house and everything seemed to be separated completely from each other- the woman, the fire – the bamboo bed, the tea set and so on. For no reason, Toan felt a little frightened and hesitated to remove his backpack. He asked”

“Where are your family members?”

The house owner looked at him, ran towards the fire, poked at it, and a moment later, reluctantly answered:

“Only me, there is no other else.”

“So if I put up here…?”, Embarrassed, Toan casted his eyes asking.

“Not so convenient, is it? But you’ll have to cover six to seven kilometers to find another house.”

“Six to seven kilometers will take me an hour and a half, so it’s alright. Then goodbye.”

Toan turned back to go even as she spoke:

“Please, wait.”

Then, it was the woman who felt confused:

“This area was infested with tigers. Last night, it destroyed the fence to catch my dog.”

He could see the worry and anxiety in her eyes. She added as she had suddenly remembered something:

“Two months ago, her herd leader buffalo had gored a tiger to death against the mountain cliff. Two days after, it was detached, the buffalo had also died.”

Toan stood still on the door step. He had experienced walking alone in the forest by the night and had even lost his way. Once, he was on his way to his official place from a late night meeting just a kilometer away. He had to wade into a stream through a small forest for a short distance to cross to the other side. But in the middle way, his torch went out and he had to turn and return in the darkness on the stream to fumble his way for a short time before reaching the other side, but it was only one kilometer on the small stream on one fragment of this forest. As for now, six to seven kilometers in the forest and tigers and the darkness….. And the eyes and the voice of the woman were so honest…

“Come on! Remove your backpack. It is because of the Resistance War and the evacuation that we have to be in this situation.”

Her voice was determined. She pointed to the bamboo bed:

“You will sleep here, and I sleep in the closed room, don’t worry!”

“Yes, there’s no other way. What you have just told me makes me a little frightened.”

Toan turned back and put his backpack on the bamboo bed.

The woman got the lamp lighter, and showed him the well so that he could clean up. Then she pointed at the fence near the well:

“Look, what happened last night!”

In fact, the hole was as large as the mouth of a bamboo basket.

Closing the door carefully, she asked him if he had eaten, then went to the closed room getting some maniac, suggesting roasting them for eating. Toan bublily peeled the manioc and was about to put it onto the embers.

“Oh, no, you should dry for some time before. Otherwise, the ashes will stick to it?”

As they roasted the manioc, he answered her questions, telling her about himself, what he did, where he worked, his family had to return to his native village from the evacuation place, and he was on his way to his office at Hagiang town to have Tet.

“And what about you? Why do you live here alone?”

“My husband passed away over half a year ago?”

The big eyes turned vacant.

“From a disease?”

“From acute Malaria.”

“Where do you come from?”

“From Hoang Mai village, in the suburb of Hanoi city.”

“Is it Hoang Mai village if we go down from Mo Market?”

“Yes, that’s it”

“When I was a little boy, I was there for almost a month to take traditional medical treatment. There was a magnolia tree as large as a man embrace. I used to pick up fallen flowers on the yard every morning.”

“That’s the house of the old traditional medical practitioner Hoa. I was his neighbor.”

“But why have you evacuated far up here?”

“At first, we evacuated to VanDinh, then to Phutho province, Doan Hung district, Tuyen Quang town, and now up here.”

“What did your husband do?”

“He went into the forest to burn tree and makes charcoal, and I did as a peddler and distilled alcohol. Oh, will you taste a cup to warm you up?”

“No, thanks, I don’t like it. Have you made Chung cake (square sticky rice cake) for Tet?”

“Of course, but let for tomorrow. Only to worship my husband’s soul. If it was only just me.. But lay it aside…. So sorrowful!”

She stopped.

The roasted manioc smelt good and tasted delicious. The dancing flames were reflected from her big bright eyes. It was the first time he sat near a woman. And in the dark night, by the desolate wild fire. Though the woman was even a few years older than him, not in a beautiful feature, with a little high cheekbones, pretty large mouth, large and long eyes, all seemed to be a bit extended, but they also seemed to light up with flames, and from it, pervaded a fetid odor mingled with the smoke, which made him so much fidgeting.

“Do you intend to live up here until the war is over?” Toan asked for the sake of asking.

“No other way, where could I go now? Each time moving, each time building house”

“But living here…”

“Yes, if my husband were still alive, it would not be so lonely. Many a time, I was dispirited on the verge of crying.”

She sighed deeply. Without knowing why Toan followed suit. They silently fed more wood to the fire. Suddenly her eyes brightened and she became very attentive in listening, and then asked him:

“Do you hear anything?” There was crackling tongue somewhere at a distance.

Having lived four years in the forest, Toan knew well such a sound, but pretended to be silly:

“It seems to be the sound of a deer.”

“Don’t you know that? It is of a tiger. Do you believe me now?”

“Last night, when the tiger came in, did you know?”

“Yes, I did. The dog was howling in fear. Poor creature! But I didn’t dare to open the door to let it in.”

The sounds could be heard nearer now. She fed the fire some more wood to get bigger flame, then said aimlessly:

“Maybe it was accustomed to the prey.”

Toan looked towards the door, then through the crack under the thick bamboo bar. The bamboo bar was big and strong, but the crack was no guarantee at all. There was no stick in the house. Then he felt a bit reassured when he realized a long and thick log in the fire.

  However, fear still lurked somewhere outside. A bat flew just over his head, startling him and almost at the same instant, a kitten ran from the closed room and hurried to snuggle up to her/

“It’s frightened.”

She took the kitten and cuddled it against her cheek: “Oh dear! So pitiful! So lovely! My treasure! Now only you and me, child and mother, the two us are left here alone!”

 She cuddled the little creature against her bosom, rocking lightly as if she was lulling her baby to sleep, her head was slightly hanging as if she had forgotten completely him , sitting near her, as if she was alone with her poor kitten, and there was not anyone else like every other night. From the forest, the crackling sounds were still now far then near. Inside the house, the bats were still darting sharply and coldly back and forth, so terrible it was!.

Was it like this night after night? Inside Toan, rose suddenly an immense compassion. He wanted to embrace her, to cuddle her, press his cheeks on hers in uttering: “Oh, so pity on you! So loving you! I understand all!” He was trembling. As though she sensed something unusual, she lifted her head and said: “Please cuddle it!”

She was looking at him with her wide eyes not blinking as she spoke. He was still hesitating as she had thrust the kitten into his hands. And the kitten was quite surprised as well. Before he could decide to hold or put it down, the frightened animal scratched him and jumped out of his hands, hid itself under the bed.

She burst out laughing. It was the first time she laughed. A care free, wonderful laughter!

Toan also burst into laughter:

“You’ve made it even more frightened.”

“But why didn’t you hold it?”

The woman looked the fire, pressing her lips together, her eyes darkened. Toan suddenly felt a little uneasy. Why didn’t he? But he had not yet decided to hold it or otherwise. But why did he hesitate? It was frightened and needed to be comforted. The fatty smell mingled with smoke was still pervading around. But the tiger had gone away already. The sound had ceased. A moment later, the woman yawned slightly:

“What time is it?”

Toan looked at the watch:

“Nearly eleven o’clock.”

“Then, go to bed now. You are probably tired. You sleep on the bed over there. Wrap yourself up with some more mats. They are all new. Your thin padded blanket is not warm enough for you to bear the cold, the writer nights here  are very cold.”

As she spoke, she fed more wood into the fire.

“It would make you warmer and the flame would keep off the tiger.” She said.

Even though he had walked for over forty km that day, the longest distance for the last few days, and he was very tired, he could not sleep partly because of the cold, partly because he was shaken in his mind and even in heart. He had wrapped himself with two extra mats besides his own blanket, but it was still cold. He pulled the blanket to cover his head, then the sounds made by the flying bats upset him, moreover, he could see anything, it was more upset. If he let his head uncovered, it would be very cold, moreover, the dancing flame, the smoke, the vague fetid smell seemed to be still pervading, all made him more difficult to sleep.

   Sometimes, he looked at the crack near the bamboo lattice door, thinking aimlessly about why it was said that tiger fear thin bamboo, then the big hole was not from thin bamboo fence? Whether this crack was safer than thin bamboo fence?. He turned to look at the big burning log, only half of which was left unburned now. He wished it would not be burnt off. Had she slept already? Her husband died six months ago. Half a year counted how many nights? And every night, she would embrace that kitten: “oh, pity on you, poor dearie!”

  Maybe she also could not sleep and kept tossing and turning.

Toan got up two times to poke the fire lest it dies and to make the room warmer. It was past midnight. Then one o’clock. Each time he got up, he sat by the fire about ten minutes, to warm himself up, later was the night, it was colder, at the same time to expect something, but what thing he did not know. Human fate, resistance war, wild forest or tigers? The Tet is approaching. And now this fidgeting burning smell. He sniffed at his padded waist coat to find as if it had also his smell.

    He did not know when he fell asleep. He slept deeply, unconsciously, but sometimes, he still could hear his own snoring.

But while he was sleeping deeply like that, something sprang suddenly upon his body. He was startled and put a strong kick against it, removed immediately the whole blanket and mats from his body, then sprang up. The flame was died. There were only embers glowing.

“What happened?” The woman asked from the closed room.

“The cat, it sprang upon me while I was sound asleep.”

“It must have sprung upon the bats.”

Yes, it was indeed pouncing upon the bats. And he had kicked out at it against the bamboo lattice door. It was clear this was what had happened. But that terrified feeling remained, chilling him. He felt as though he was in an ancient, dark cave, where any animal, cat, bat or tiger… could make him….  and even her, the two persons in the cave terrified.

She was still tossing and turning, and then she called out:

“Have you slept?”

“Not yet”

“Has the fire burnt down?”

“Already, but there are still glowing embers.”

“Why don’t you build it again?”

“I did, two times”

“ I know both. Build it again. It’s really very cold tonight.”

  Build the fire again? It would help drive away the dark and the chill. And from the fire, walked out a woman with big, sad eyes, and the fetid smoking smell, the smell of wild forest, the smell of a female, the smell that sometimes he aroused, and he thought that his clothes were very tinged with it. What could he do then? Run away, drive it away or take off his clothes, put on the tree leaves to dance with her around the fire like a primitive couple? He knew that he was thinking disorderly, but it clung tightly to him, he did not want to prolong it, but was incapable to stop it. He was like a craving game player but feared for losing all.

She was still tossing and turning.

Then, maybe it was because he sat up late and was exhausted; he was even asleep but listlessly. A moment later it seemed that it vaguely heard again the tiger crackling tongue, but was not sure it was true or only in dreaming. He opened his eyes and saw a black silhouette looming up by the side of the bed. Badly frightened, he jumped back to the corner of the bed to manage defensive position.

“What are you doing? It’s only me!”

“Oh, it turned out to be you! You made me panicked!”

“Don’t hear anything, do you? It’s very near.”

Indeed, it was. He asked:

“Are you frightened?”

“Yes, I don’t know why I am very frightened tonight.”

“Shall I build the fire again?”

“You should. And I will get some more maniocs to roast. One gets hungry quickly when one can’t sleep.”

 The roasted manioc still smelt and tasted delicious. Human voices and the flame probably made the tiger go away again. The bats stopped darting around as well. There was just warmth and tranquility.

“How many times have you enjoyed Tet away from your family?”

“Three times”

“Is it interesting to enjoy Tet in the office?”

“Several people, to play chess. When comes the time to take meal, go to the one who had already his own family.”

“Or if you could…”

“Yes, you were saying…”

“oh no, I intended to say.. if only you were near here, you could come here together with your friends to enjoy Tet, but so far away.”

“Yes, so far”

“So you should go to bed now you still have nearly sixty km to go. What time is it?”

Half past three.”

“Until dawn, the tiger must have not returned. So we have escaped, don’t you think?”

  She stood up as she spoke, and her eyes were on him as if to ask a silent question: But escaped from what? From fear? From panic, from shyness or what else?”

     The kitten came nowhere and rubbed itself against her leg. She took it up, cuddled it tightly against her chest and staggered into her room.

From outside, he heard her sink heavily onto the bed, crying silently. He lain on his bed for quite a long time, but he still heard that she was crying quietly, trying not to let it burst out. Several times, he had wanted to get up, pushing the door of her room and wipe her tears. Later in his life, he had experienced the feelings of women’s tears, each one was in its own sadness, but never could be so lonely, painful and bewildered, bewildered to the extreme like that.

The next morning, he got up very late. His watch was at nearly 7:30 am. She also had already got up, at what time, he did not know. Her black eyes were black and hollow. She was standing in front of the door, combing her hair.

 When he went out to get the washing, she followed him and showed him the large claw prints of the tiger near the well.

“Look, last night!”, she said

“You should repair the fence to cover the hole.”

“I intended to fence it up one day.”

All the horrors had gone away anyhow, and even did the sounds of darting bats, the fetid smoking smell, the near and far rasping sounds of the tiger’s tongue. There were two more days left before Tet.

But what else? What what else?

Could I ever forget that night?

P.s Later after many times, this story was published reproached and republished some women-readers… “Why did not you let him wipe her tears that night?”. I did not know why, but now perhaps I can answer: deep in my heart, I also wanted it very much, but I was nonsensical before them, my characters, they often drove me as they like.